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Hunt Ethrideg: One of the things that people ask me as a dating coach, they’re like, ‘Well, does it work?’ Well, it worked on someone at least because I’m married. Now, at the same…
Rachael DeAlto: I was married.
Hunt: Yeah, so we both know what it means to be in there. And one of the biggest things that we have to work with especially in a relationship is in order to make it seem fresh and interesting and vibrant. And there’s I’ve heard, you know, romantic love is like fireworks and married love is more like an embers. It’s more hot burning but much lower of energy and the thing is you need to make sure that you’re still dating your wife at the same time.
Rachael: Getting the paper. Yes.
Hunt: Exactly. At the same time. One of the things that I like to do is to just do things for no reason. You know, nice positive things. Come home from a day not bring flowers but it’s like ‘Hey I found this cute little key chain.’ It doesn’t, she’s just going to, she’s not going to do anything with it but it’s like, ‘Oh you thought of me in the middle of the day, how sweet.’ And at the same time make sure that you’re complimenting them and on things that are real. Not, ‘Oh babe you look great,’ but like, ‘Oh that’s a really good choice of shoes. Like why did you choose that?’
Rachael: I think that’s so important to talk about, the fact that it’s coming from an authentic place.
Rachael: Everything you do has to come from the heart and then it almost doesn’t matter what you do or what you say as long as it’s nice. So absolutely complimenting her. I always love to recommend and, it’s like beating a dead horse of, getting ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman is a great book, especially if you are looking to bring that spark back and connect with your wife. It’s all about speaking her language. So, I know for me I love affirmations. So, as a wife I would want to hear that I,you know, you still think I’m beautiful or you still you want to whatever.
Rachael: I don’t know how dirty we can get here but you are married. So just wanting to feel wanted is such a great feeling when you’ve been married to someone for however long. And then having them put a little bit of effort into things. You know, when you’re first dating guys you go all out. You are hunters.
Rachael: And you are pursuing and taking care of and then you get us and it’s like, ‘Hey, well, I don’t have to work as hard,’ but that’s not true.
Hunt: Now’s the time to put the real energy in to keep the maintenance.
Hunt: When people say that marriages work. It’s work because…
Rachael: Hard work.
Hunt: But people, a lot of people, yeah. It’s, exactly. People think they get on the train, the train is already going, just sit back and let it go. No, you constantly need to stoke the fires
Hunt: and keep it going. And you know, this is done in a lot of ways like you were talking about.
Rachael: Go back to a first date. That’s such a great thing when you’ve been together for awhile. Literally recreating exactly what you did on your first date will bring back that emotion that you were like, ‘Oh, that’s exciting. I got those butterflies.’ Another thing I love that’s really fun and flirty is to get competitive with each other. It gets the adrenaline pumping, so go play racquetball.
Rachael: Or go play some competitive type sport against each other.
Hunt: And there’s just been a couple of studies done recently that people that give each other pet names stay together longer. And this isn’t to stay like schmoopy and. You don’t really need to get but even just having a cute pet name, it lets them know that you think of them in this cute and fun way and it’s great to hear. So you know, think of something that’s just cute and sweet just to let her know she still has it, will always have it, and she has you.
Rachael: And go make out.
Hunt: Make out. Kiss a lot.